Saturday, October 27, 2007

Day in the life...

Life update:

October 27, 2007, 7:20 pm...As I sit here on my bra's couch here in Wicker Park I ponder as to why my stomach has been rumbling since our snack 2 hours ago. However I'm goon to have to backtrack a little to make sure you know all the juicy, mind numbing details of this lazy ass Saturday.

In order for you to fully understand the intricacies of this day your going to have to put forth every ounce of your mental faculties. SO please come on board and take a little journey with me as I relate a day in the life.

It all began as simply as it will probably end, waking up on a perfectly blown up air matress thanks to Rog and Ash. The night before had been a rousing success for our latest and greatest Halloween costumes witch will be put to the true test tonight. As I lay on the inflated mattress next to my beautiful but completely out of it and boring wife, boring cause she was sleeping and I was awake, I hear my cousin and his 200 pound lab trounce across the hardwood floor to the living room.

I had to make a decision, do I lay in bed waiting for Miranda to share in my awe at a new day or do I venture out into the world unkown following the scent of a dog that is in drastic need of anal gland popping. Well, needles to say I chose the latter.

After I made my way across the hall to relieve myself from pent up fluids acquired throughout the night, I made my way past the kitchen and plopped down onto the plush couch across from Rog.

"whats up bra," I exclaimed.

"Not much," replied bra.

From here the day takes a drastic turn because it wasn't long until my boo Miranda came trouncing into the living room still a little groggy.
"What's up boo," I exclaimed

"Not much," replied boo.

"Hey Boo," said Bra.

"Good Morning," replied boo.

So there wee were the three proverbial peas in a pod lying on the couch waiting for the fourth and final boo to awake out of her slumber. Little did we know however, it would be another two hours of waiting and wondering when she would come out of her den.
During that time we did absolutely nothing.
However, things took yet another drastic turn when Ashboo entered the day full of vigor and life.
"Hey Ashboo" we all chimed as she seemed to float across the kitchen floor.
"uggghhh," replied Ashboo as she plopped down next to her bra.

A riveting tour of old cruise pictures left on my camera since Spring Break last year, we decided to...go to Starbucks. I won't bore you with the details of our drink choices, needless to say however, they were tasty and delicious. Oh yes and on the way back we stopped at this bakery where we procured some of the most unhealthy but most tasty croissants.

After arriving back at the R and A Bed and Breakfast our Bra was kind enough to make us some deliciously healthy eggs with slightly warmed ham and cheese croissants. WOw.

After 1 hour passed of absolute nothingness, I had to go and take a dump. WOW! I was intrigued whilst sitting on the throne because I was reading an article in the Economist about education...I could go on but I don't want to bore you.

After cleaning up as I usually do, we decided to view a Planet Earth titled Deep Blue Sea...Spell bounding!

Another hour gone by we decided to really do something with our day. We were all famished because we had only eaten 2 hours before and hot dogs were the main fare, after hot dogs we were to shop til we drop, or so the plan went.
As we all piled into the Land Runner, Flora the 200 hundred pound stinky ass girl hopped in back hoping I'm sure that we would take her to a park or something. Nope...try parking lot B@##$.

As we approached the dining establishment where we were to fill our bellies with the nourishment that only a hot dog, or should I say Doug Dog could provide we were stunned to see the line head not only out the door but around the corner. Thus according to the rule of the day we pulled the car over and debated silently as to our plan of action. Do press on or subside the hunger in our bellies by standing mindlessly in a line that would take precious minutes from our day.

Welp as you guessed it we spent another five silently debating and reached unanimous decision to press on.

Upon approaching the parking lot, my gut was filled with dread, and hunger as I realized where we actually were. IN my opinion this store is the third closest thing to purgatory on earth, the first two stores being TJ Max and Mashalls, this being JoAnne Fabrics.
Yes we were walking though the Jo ANne Fabrics store with every other lamo who decided to postpone their Halloween crafts to the last minute.

Tempers really started to flare when I had already stood in line twice anticipating the girls, to find their wares in a timely manner. Who the hell was I kidding, when both of my boos get together to brainstorm, it's never a quick endeavour.
This led to the whole becoming more hungry and wishing I had wasted my time standing in Dougs Dogs line instead of in JOAnne Fabrics.

Needless to say as we left tempers were high because all of the Halloween needs weren't met so on we went to Target. After Roger and I found what we were looking for in two minutes we had to mindlessly wander the aisles looking for the boos because of course they had their phones with them but were ignoring to answer. I'll try and cut this part of our day short because it's more of the same. HOwever, we all resolved our issues as I made a valiant attempt to regain our love for one another by conducting a group hug right next to the toothpaste aisle.
ON to the HOme Depot we went in search of spray paint for Rog and Ash's costume. After wasting even more precious minutes from our day it was made known to us that apparently one can't purchase spary paint in the city of Chicago. Something to do with the bulls@** of Cfcs and global warming...probably Al Gore's doing.
Well after this failed trip to the Home Depot our stomachs couldn't take any more being that they were eating themselves so we looked or a hot dog joint to satisfy our craving. We wasted more time as we waited four our polish sausages and Chicago style hot dogs WITH fries included. Upon arriving back at the apartment we hungrily wolfed down our snacks and then you guessed it headed to the couch for yet another round of Planet Earth, this time we watched the episode entitled "Diaries" this was the making of episode.
THis brings us back to the present, waiting for the night to start and our bodies to be adorned with Halloween cheer. I really hope you enjoyed this little snippet of my day. OH by the way I apologize for all the conventional errors in this blog, but I could not bring myself to read through it all again and I congratulate you if you've made it this far

Laters Josh

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