Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Happy New Year to You and Yours!
Pork, Various Tubers, Lime Meringue Pie, Wine, Rog, Ash, Boo, Me, Flora, the Wii and new PJs....Do you really need anything more than that to welcome in '08??
Thursday, November 29, 2007
An Inconvienient Truth For Sure
Here's the deal, I was really pissed off when Gorebot won the Nobel Peace Prize making An Inaccurate Truth...however, that's another rant for another time. Mr. Gore's insight has spurred me on to nonetheless ponder our global crisis. Yes we have a problem with pollution and yes we as the human race, The Inuits aside, are a wasteful species. However, I pose the question, would the effects of global warming really be as bad as everyone makes it out to be?
Let me simplify this for you...raking. The pictures you are about to see are after the THIRD time raking our yard. If you do the math just on this last raking, there were 20, 30 galloon bags with 2 garbage cans which gives us an estimated 500 plus gallons of LEAVES on the THIRD raking.
My solution...you guessed it, to keep driving my fossil fuel guzzling truck, not recycling and flushing the toilet at least TWICE after I urinate. WHY you ask, this way the Earth will warm to such a temperature that those in the Chicago land area, namely me and my boo will never have to rake AGAIN!!! Do you realize how much of a pain in the rear it is to not only rake and mulch and rake and mulch and rake again it is and furthermore to place handful upon handful of leaves into a brown paper bag that continuously rips...well I do, and the situation stinks! So here's to not raking leaves in '08 and flushing unnecessarily, can't wait til summer!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Another Thursday Night
For those five of you who don't already know, I teach 6th grade. At the beginning of each day after we do attendance, the Pledge and now our mandatory moment of silence, after which we start off by gathering at the carpet for a read aloud. Since the beginning of the year we've been reading "When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit." A book about a Jewish family who left war torn Germany just before Hitler was voted in.
Well, this family ended up living in Switzerland and the girl who is the main character was attending a boy/girl school. At recess the boys and girls never intermingled, the girls always played hopscotch until that is Anna showed up. After she realized what a drag it was to play hopscotch, she opted to participate in doing cartwheels with the boys. Don't ask me, I'm still trying to figure out why Swiss boys thought it was cool to do cartwheels at recess. Anyways the boys ended up having a crush on Anna and apparently they decided to show their affection towards her by throwing pebbles and SHOES at her on her way home.
When she arrived at home her mom was pissed because she was being chased by these kids and Anna's Mom ended up grabbin one of em. When asked why he was throwin SHOES at ANna he responded by saying that they "loved her." Well as you can imagine even when that four letter word is mentioned in a 6th grade class all chaos ensues. Long story even longer the kids asked what Miss Miranda would do if MR. T would throw a shoe at her when she arrived at home to show his love for her. I laughed and said I don't know but maybe I'll try.
Later on that night after I had been sitting at the dining room table grading the last batch of papers before grades are due next week, Miss Miranda phoned home after a long day and asked what was for dinner. Being not in the mood to cook we decided to order from our favorite Thai food restaurant. We've eaten at this place almost every other week since we've moved in and have never had a problem, until now that is. What we were told was going to take 30 minutes ended up taking Boo an extra 30 waiting in the joint, total 1 hour since phoned in. Suffice it to say when Miranda came home she was not a happy camper after sitting in traffic and waiting in a Thai food restaurant for exorbitant amounts of time.
Well unbeknownst to her I was waiting for her arrival in the office, unaware her night's hardships, with shoe and video camera in hand I waited to capture what was to be a funny moment of literature meeting reality for my kids. Unfortunately after a long day at the office I guess you can't always predict what will happen next...
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Halloween Past and Present
It all started on a freezing cold night in Iowa City, Ia back in October of 2003. There a young man disguised as Alf from the planet Malmack who has an affinity towards cats happened upon a Spanish dancer who apparently doesn't look before crossing busy intersections. Hence forth these two star crossed lovers found that they both had a liking for homemade costumes to adorn themselves with once a year. So, for your viewing pleasure here are some of their previous costume en devours beginning with its earliest form. Happy Anniversary Boo!
Alf and Hoagie '03 the Spanish Dancer has yet to appear
Bath Buddies, resourcefulness at it's best '04,
night 1.
Indiana and Marion, obviously
night 2
Lamo, no costumes '05
Ahh Dwight K. Shrute and the gang from The Office '06
Great Scott!!! Doc Brown and Marty McFly, need I say more.
Next year??????????
Alf and Hoagie '03 the Spanish Dancer has yet to appear
Bath Buddies, resourcefulness at it's best '04,night 1.
Indiana and Marion, obviouslynight 2
Lamo, no costumes '05
Ahh Dwight K. Shrute and the gang from The Office '06
Great Scott!!! Doc Brown and Marty McFly, need I say more.Next year??????????
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
MY FIRST GUEST BLOG!!
J-Slice here, I'm very excited to announce the debut of my boo's first post. As you'll see she's got a little lunatic in her too. So without further adu...take it away Miranda!!
BOYCOTT DANCING WITH THE STARS!!!!!!
(Warning: I can assure you that this posting will not be as lengthy or ridiculous as the recent thoughts of Ravings of a Lunatic).
Despite what my fellow blogger has posted on his home page, there are very few tv shows that I (miranda, loco rants wife) find worthy of watching. Not only is this my first guest entry on my dear husband's blog, but I will use this as an opportunity to vent my thoughts on how outraged I am regarding the "hit" tv show Dancing with the Stars.
It is 9:19 pm and after watching what ABC wants to be "the most shocking results show ever," Sabrina Bryan from the Cheetah Girls has just been voted off. Did I have any idea who she was? Not at all. Do I care, No. But I watched the show to see how dedication can result in identifying talent that someone didn't realize they had. (If you think that I am a load of crap I would love to see your ballroom dancing after one week of training). I danced for 11 years and anyone who thinks that Ballroom dancing is easy should probably hit the gym and run a marathon before they try. Bottom line, Sabrina was THE BEST ONE. SHE DESERVED TO WIN THE ENTIRE COMPETITION. Why do we continue to air these stupidass reality tv shows and allow the "viewers" to "text a vote" if you are going to send home the BEST competitor just a little over half way into the competition!
Meanwhile the viewers will continue to look at Jane Seymors fake boobs, Marie Osmon's horseteeth (that was unfortunate that she passed out; I do have a heart), and Jennie Garth's high school stage fright...and all the while in a competition the BEST one is gone.
I don't buy at all that that "viewers" truly construct the votes and that the producers don't dip their scuzy hands into the final outcome. It's bad enough that there is not a single, decent family sitcom on tv (unless you count "According to Jim" and I don't) and now in a reality show that is supposed to display talent, the best talent is gone. I will no longer be watching this show merely for the fact that I will not support bureaucratic bull$#@*, and I hope that ABC gets all the hype and money that they wanted from this stupid stunt.
To all my fellow boycotters,
Peace Out.
Miranda
BOYCOTT DANCING WITH THE STARS!!!!!!
(Warning: I can assure you that this posting will not be as lengthy or ridiculous as the recent thoughts of Ravings of a Lunatic).
Despite what my fellow blogger has posted on his home page, there are very few tv shows that I (miranda, loco rants wife) find worthy of watching. Not only is this my first guest entry on my dear husband's blog, but I will use this as an opportunity to vent my thoughts on how outraged I am regarding the "hit" tv show Dancing with the Stars.
It is 9:19 pm and after watching what ABC wants to be "the most shocking results show ever," Sabrina Bryan from the Cheetah Girls has just been voted off. Did I have any idea who she was? Not at all. Do I care, No. But I watched the show to see how dedication can result in identifying talent that someone didn't realize they had. (If you think that I am a load of crap I would love to see your ballroom dancing after one week of training). I danced for 11 years and anyone who thinks that Ballroom dancing is easy should probably hit the gym and run a marathon before they try. Bottom line, Sabrina was THE BEST ONE. SHE DESERVED TO WIN THE ENTIRE COMPETITION. Why do we continue to air these stupidass reality tv shows and allow the "viewers" to "text a vote" if you are going to send home the BEST competitor just a little over half way into the competition!
Meanwhile the viewers will continue to look at Jane Seymors fake boobs, Marie Osmon's horseteeth (that was unfortunate that she passed out; I do have a heart), and Jennie Garth's high school stage fright...and all the while in a competition the BEST one is gone.
I don't buy at all that that "viewers" truly construct the votes and that the producers don't dip their scuzy hands into the final outcome. It's bad enough that there is not a single, decent family sitcom on tv (unless you count "According to Jim" and I don't) and now in a reality show that is supposed to display talent, the best talent is gone. I will no longer be watching this show merely for the fact that I will not support bureaucratic bull$#@*, and I hope that ABC gets all the hype and money that they wanted from this stupid stunt.
To all my fellow boycotters,
Peace Out.
Miranda
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Day in the life...
Life update:
October 27, 2007, 7:20 pm...As I sit here on my bra's couch here in Wicker Park I ponder as to why my stomach has been rumbling since our snack 2 hours ago. However I'm goon to have to backtrack a little to make sure you know all the juicy, mind numbing details of this lazy ass Saturday.
In order for you to fully understand the intricacies of this day your going to have to put forth every ounce of your mental faculties. SO please come on board and take a little journey with me as I relate a day in the life.
It all began as simply as it will probably end, waking up on a perfectly blown up air matress thanks to Rog and Ash. The night before had been a rousing success for our latest and greatest Halloween costumes witch will be put to the true test tonight. As I lay on the inflated mattress next to my beautiful but completely out of it and boring wife, boring cause she was sleeping and I was awake, I hear my cousin and his 200 pound lab trounce across the hardwood floor to the living room.
I had to make a decision, do I lay in bed waiting for Miranda to share in my awe at a new day or do I venture out into the world unkown following the scent of a dog that is in drastic need of anal gland popping. Well, needles to say I chose the latter.
After I made my way across the hall to relieve myself from pent up fluids acquired throughout the night, I made my way past the kitchen and plopped down onto the plush couch across from Rog.
"whats up bra," I exclaimed.
"Not much," replied bra.
From here the day takes a drastic turn because it wasn't long until my boo Miranda came trouncing into the living room still a little groggy.
"What's up boo," I exclaimed
"Not much," replied boo.
"Hey Boo," said Bra.
"Good Morning," replied boo.
So there wee were the three proverbial peas in a pod lying on the couch waiting for the fourth and final boo to awake out of her slumber. Little did we know however, it would be another two hours of waiting and wondering when she would come out of her den.
During that time we did absolutely nothing.
However, things took yet another drastic turn when Ashboo entered the day full of vigor and life.
"Hey Ashboo" we all chimed as she seemed to float across the kitchen floor.
"uggghhh," replied Ashboo as she plopped down next to her bra.
A riveting tour of old cruise pictures left on my camera since Spring Break last year, we decided to...go to Starbucks. I won't bore you with the details of our drink choices, needless to say however, they were tasty and delicious. Oh yes and on the way back we stopped at this bakery where we procured some of the most unhealthy but most tasty croissants.
After arriving back at the R and A Bed and Breakfast our Bra was kind enough to make us some deliciously healthy eggs with slightly warmed ham and cheese croissants. WOw.
After 1 hour passed of absolute nothingness, I had to go and take a dump. WOW! I was intrigued whilst sitting on the throne because I was reading an article in the Economist about education...I could go on but I don't want to bore you.
After cleaning up as I usually do, we decided to view a Planet Earth titled Deep Blue Sea...Spell bounding!
Another hour gone by we decided to really do something with our day. We were all famished because we had only eaten 2 hours before and hot dogs were the main fare, after hot dogs we were to shop til we drop, or so the plan went.
As we all piled into the Land Runner, Flora the 200 hundred pound stinky ass girl hopped in back hoping I'm sure that we would take her to a park or something. Nope...try parking lot B@##$.
As we approached the dining establishment where we were to fill our bellies with the nourishment that only a hot dog, or should I say Doug Dog could provide we were stunned to see the line head not only out the door but around the corner. Thus according to the rule of the day we pulled the car over and debated silently as to our plan of action. Do press on or subside the hunger in our bellies by standing mindlessly in a line that would take precious minutes from our day.
Welp as you guessed it we spent another five silently debating and reached unanimous decision to press on.
Upon approaching the parking lot, my gut was filled with dread, and hunger as I realized where we actually were. IN my opinion this store is the third closest thing to purgatory on earth, the first two stores being TJ Max and Mashalls, this being JoAnne Fabrics.
Yes we were walking though the Jo ANne Fabrics store with every other lamo who decided to postpone their Halloween crafts to the last minute.
Tempers really started to flare when I had already stood in line twice anticipating the girls, to find their wares in a timely manner. Who the hell was I kidding, when both of my boos get together to brainstorm, it's never a quick endeavour.
This led to the whole becoming more hungry and wishing I had wasted my time standing in Dougs Dogs line instead of in JOAnne Fabrics.
Needless to say as we left tempers were high because all of the Halloween needs weren't met so on we went to Target. After Roger and I found what we were looking for in two minutes we had to mindlessly wander the aisles looking for the boos because of course they had their phones with them but were ignoring to answer. I'll try and cut this part of our day short because it's more of the same. HOwever, we all resolved our issues as I made a valiant attempt to regain our love for one another by conducting a group hug right next to the toothpaste aisle.
ON to the HOme Depot we went in search of spray paint for Rog and Ash's costume. After wasting even more precious minutes from our day it was made known to us that apparently one can't purchase spary paint in the city of Chicago. Something to do with the bulls@** of Cfcs and global warming...probably Al Gore's doing.
Well after this failed trip to the Home Depot our stomachs couldn't take any more being that they were eating themselves so we looked or a hot dog joint to satisfy our craving. We wasted more time as we waited four our polish sausages and Chicago style hot dogs WITH fries included. Upon arriving back at the apartment we hungrily wolfed down our snacks and then you guessed it headed to the couch for yet another round of Planet Earth, this time we watched the episode entitled "Diaries" this was the making of episode.
THis brings us back to the present, waiting for the night to start and our bodies to be adorned with Halloween cheer. I really hope you enjoyed this little snippet of my day. OH by the way I apologize for all the conventional errors in this blog, but I could not bring myself to read through it all again and I congratulate you if you've made it this far
Laters Josh
October 27, 2007, 7:20 pm...As I sit here on my bra's couch here in Wicker Park I ponder as to why my stomach has been rumbling since our snack 2 hours ago. However I'm goon to have to backtrack a little to make sure you know all the juicy, mind numbing details of this lazy ass Saturday.
In order for you to fully understand the intricacies of this day your going to have to put forth every ounce of your mental faculties. SO please come on board and take a little journey with me as I relate a day in the life.
It all began as simply as it will probably end, waking up on a perfectly blown up air matress thanks to Rog and Ash. The night before had been a rousing success for our latest and greatest Halloween costumes witch will be put to the true test tonight. As I lay on the inflated mattress next to my beautiful but completely out of it and boring wife, boring cause she was sleeping and I was awake, I hear my cousin and his 200 pound lab trounce across the hardwood floor to the living room.
I had to make a decision, do I lay in bed waiting for Miranda to share in my awe at a new day or do I venture out into the world unkown following the scent of a dog that is in drastic need of anal gland popping. Well, needles to say I chose the latter.
After I made my way across the hall to relieve myself from pent up fluids acquired throughout the night, I made my way past the kitchen and plopped down onto the plush couch across from Rog.
"whats up bra," I exclaimed.
"Not much," replied bra.
From here the day takes a drastic turn because it wasn't long until my boo Miranda came trouncing into the living room still a little groggy.
"What's up boo," I exclaimed
"Not much," replied boo.
"Hey Boo," said Bra.
"Good Morning," replied boo.
So there wee were the three proverbial peas in a pod lying on the couch waiting for the fourth and final boo to awake out of her slumber. Little did we know however, it would be another two hours of waiting and wondering when she would come out of her den.
During that time we did absolutely nothing.
However, things took yet another drastic turn when Ashboo entered the day full of vigor and life.
"Hey Ashboo" we all chimed as she seemed to float across the kitchen floor.
"uggghhh," replied Ashboo as she plopped down next to her bra.
A riveting tour of old cruise pictures left on my camera since Spring Break last year, we decided to...go to Starbucks. I won't bore you with the details of our drink choices, needless to say however, they were tasty and delicious. Oh yes and on the way back we stopped at this bakery where we procured some of the most unhealthy but most tasty croissants.
After arriving back at the R and A Bed and Breakfast our Bra was kind enough to make us some deliciously healthy eggs with slightly warmed ham and cheese croissants. WOw.
After 1 hour passed of absolute nothingness, I had to go and take a dump. WOW! I was intrigued whilst sitting on the throne because I was reading an article in the Economist about education...I could go on but I don't want to bore you.
After cleaning up as I usually do, we decided to view a Planet Earth titled Deep Blue Sea...Spell bounding!
Another hour gone by we decided to really do something with our day. We were all famished because we had only eaten 2 hours before and hot dogs were the main fare, after hot dogs we were to shop til we drop, or so the plan went.
As we all piled into the Land Runner, Flora the 200 hundred pound stinky ass girl hopped in back hoping I'm sure that we would take her to a park or something. Nope...try parking lot B@##$.
As we approached the dining establishment where we were to fill our bellies with the nourishment that only a hot dog, or should I say Doug Dog could provide we were stunned to see the line head not only out the door but around the corner. Thus according to the rule of the day we pulled the car over and debated silently as to our plan of action. Do press on or subside the hunger in our bellies by standing mindlessly in a line that would take precious minutes from our day.
Welp as you guessed it we spent another five silently debating and reached unanimous decision to press on.
Upon approaching the parking lot, my gut was filled with dread, and hunger as I realized where we actually were. IN my opinion this store is the third closest thing to purgatory on earth, the first two stores being TJ Max and Mashalls, this being JoAnne Fabrics.
Yes we were walking though the Jo ANne Fabrics store with every other lamo who decided to postpone their Halloween crafts to the last minute.
Tempers really started to flare when I had already stood in line twice anticipating the girls, to find their wares in a timely manner. Who the hell was I kidding, when both of my boos get together to brainstorm, it's never a quick endeavour.
This led to the whole becoming more hungry and wishing I had wasted my time standing in Dougs Dogs line instead of in JOAnne Fabrics.
Needless to say as we left tempers were high because all of the Halloween needs weren't met so on we went to Target. After Roger and I found what we were looking for in two minutes we had to mindlessly wander the aisles looking for the boos because of course they had their phones with them but were ignoring to answer. I'll try and cut this part of our day short because it's more of the same. HOwever, we all resolved our issues as I made a valiant attempt to regain our love for one another by conducting a group hug right next to the toothpaste aisle.
ON to the HOme Depot we went in search of spray paint for Rog and Ash's costume. After wasting even more precious minutes from our day it was made known to us that apparently one can't purchase spary paint in the city of Chicago. Something to do with the bulls@** of Cfcs and global warming...probably Al Gore's doing.
Well after this failed trip to the Home Depot our stomachs couldn't take any more being that they were eating themselves so we looked or a hot dog joint to satisfy our craving. We wasted more time as we waited four our polish sausages and Chicago style hot dogs WITH fries included. Upon arriving back at the apartment we hungrily wolfed down our snacks and then you guessed it headed to the couch for yet another round of Planet Earth, this time we watched the episode entitled "Diaries" this was the making of episode.
THis brings us back to the present, waiting for the night to start and our bodies to be adorned with Halloween cheer. I really hope you enjoyed this little snippet of my day. OH by the way I apologize for all the conventional errors in this blog, but I could not bring myself to read through it all again and I congratulate you if you've made it this far
Laters Josh
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Ooops they did it again!
This is going to be quick because I have to prep for tonight and a another Chicago sports disappointment. Basically all I'd like to say is that the Cubs stink worse than urine soaked carpet. What a waste, they sucked so bad they couldn't even pull out a win at home and it's not like they didn't have the opportunity to turn things around yesterday. They suck!! Hopefully I'll have cooled down by next year to begin the whole process all over again.
Oh yea Go BEARS!
Laters
Josh
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